Poetic Rambling v2

My thoughts run,

They continue to strive to break free,

Continuing to push against my brain

Every passing moment another thought wanders.

 

My struggle has become my reality

Each tick of the clock is another lost chance,

I am missing my chance to break free,

I am forever chained to these ramblings

 

My inability to take the time to let go,

To breathe deep,

Letting the silence surround me,

However, the pressure continues to grow

 

I have waited for far too long to release my inner demons,

They are continuing to pull apart the positivity,

Each passing moment is another lost chance,

I need to take the time for myself.

 

One of these days I need to just let it all go,

My thoughts have become my own worst enemy,

With my mind continuing to swell,

Pressure increasing,

 

The pain continues,

My fingers itch to move gracefully across my keyboard,

Releasing the demons into the computer,

Keying the information that has been dying to get out.

 

My inner demons need to be contained,

They have to learn their place,

For now, it is on this page,

Tomorrow it may be somewhere else,

 

For today,

My inner demon is gracing this page,

Showing that I need to take time,

Time for myself away from others.

 

People underestimate themselves,

They don’t see the true beauty in their eyes,

My pressure is finally decreasing,

For I am seeing clearer now thanks to this page.

 

My thoughts are starting to subside,

Things are beginning to rest,

My inner demon can rest again

This is my Poetic Rambling

 

 

 

 

Pressurized Cabin

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome aboard this flight destined for the corners of your mind,
This trip is going to be like no other,
So please sit back and enjoy the flight.
Today we will be cruising at an altitude of mediocre,
Here we are safe and won’t hit any turbulence,
Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened,
As we would hate for you to escape from seeing the reality of your mind,
No worries though the cabin is pressurized,
This is to help with the constant migraines,
Pressure headaches,
As well as swollen eyes,
We need you to be able to see all of this in High-Definition.
The in-flight movie will be who you are,
Where you have come from,
And the final destination is where we are headed.
Please keep the aisles clear,
As the airline attendants will need to pass through with drinks,
Small packages of pretzels,
Those tiny pretzels,
Plus, they will want to make sure that you are as comfortable as you can be,
This journey is not the beginning,
Nor is it the end,
But your life is what you decide to make of it,
You are the master of your destiny,
As you are telling the aircraft where to go,
Sure, it becomes uncomfortable,
Especially being stuck in the middle seat
Next to two people who haven’t showered in weeks,
And won’t give up the armrests,
Other times you are in first class,
Drinking the best wine,
Enjoying free food,
Better snacks,
Actual meals that are filled with deliciousness,
Not those damn small pretzels.
Please refrain from using your cell phones
Take the time to actually converse with those around you,
Enjoy the ability to communicate,
As one day you might not be able to say what you want,
Show someone how much you really care,
Stuck,
Lost and alone in your confined box within your mind.
Thank you for choosing us to fly with today,
Keep your carry-on items under the seat in front of you,
Please enjoy the remainder of the flight,
We are so happy you are here
Rest your eyes,
Let us be your guide,
To the center of your mind…

Silence

Sometimes,

Silence is violent

A pin drop can shatter your vision of reality

As you are closed off from the world around you

The lack of sound within your mind,

Reminds you of how alone you are in your own mind.

People surround us and fill us with a false sense of security

You don’t know who you truly are,

Prepare yourself to search within your soul,

What people think about you doesn’t matter,

For it is your time locked away in the silence of you mind,

That strips you down to your essence,

Naked as the day you were born,

Without sound you are forced to deal with your own thoughts

People try to tear us down,

We are ashamed to show them our true selves

This is why silence can be violent

As it forces us to deal with everything going on inside our minds,

It can cause turmoil,

Pain and strife within as we deal with our own emotions

Fear not for the silence will show you things about who you are,

Take the time to sit and reflect,

Remember that your time is precious,

Life is too short to not focus on yourself,

Enjoy the sounds that surround you,

Take everything in and embrace it,

When taking that drive,

Remember to open the windows,

Feel the breeze in your hair,

But,

Turn down the radio to enjoy the sounds outside of your car

It is true the Silence can be violence,

Yet it can truly set you free

Guilt of Loss

Losing your parent is difficult,

It doesn’t matter how long you had with them,

It is still an earth-shattering and

Traumatic event in one’s life

 

Your life has been turned upside down

Scrambling to understand all that has happened

For your soul can not handle all the feelings

Each moment a new expression of you

 

As hard as it can be; you cannot blame yourself,

You are lost,

In a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts

Constantly swirling around you,

 

A true chaotic series of moments,

One racing in to push away the previous,

Constant fighting and turmoil,

You are drowning in your own fear

 

No one can make it all go away,

Tomorrow is never guaranteed,

But know that they are looking down on you,

Smiling and proud of who you have become

 

Even though we can no longer see them,

They are there guiding and supporting us,

Making sure we feel their love every day

It isn’t a true goodbye,

 

It is a; I will see you later,

For this life is merely a temporary home,

Until we see each other again

Pressure Within

My condition isn’t always visible on the outside,

For it lurks within

The pressure ever increasing,

Causing excruciating pain on a daily basis

 

Just because I have a smile on my face,

Doesn’t mean I am not suffering,

Sometimes I need to push through and pretend,

Even though it is destroying me on the inside

 

You can never judge a person from the outside,

For the inside is where the true inspiration resides,

A book can have the fanciest of covers,

Yet hold no visible substance

 

I have lived my life without always knowing,

For I stumbled through life in a daze,

My diagnosis came when I was older

Yet I still didn’t know what it truly meant for me

 

Only a few short years ago I found another family,

My hydrocephalus family,

They are all an inspiration to me,

For they understand and have embraced who I am

 

They are the such beautiful people

Inside and outside they drive me to be better,

I am blessed to have them in my life

For answers have been found

 

Each day is a struggle,

Some worse than others,

But I have found my home.

Destination: Dark Corners of My Mind

Dark corners of my mind,

Howling winds swirl around

Bringing up the dirt from the floor

Never to be seen by others

 

I am locked away hiding from myself,

For it seems to be a valid escape,

However,

This is not who I truly am

 

My mind has been overwhelmed with so much,

I cannot turn it off,

Some nights I wake up in a panic

For the dark corners of my mind are awake and moving

 

Each breath I take is filled with defeat,

Every dark shadow attacks my will to live

I feel as though I am being pulled to the ground,

Stuck to the ground,

 

Frozen in fear,

I cannot seem to break free,

Locked away in the depths of my mind,

You can try and assist,

 

I am forever lost within the darkness

No matter how hard I try to break free,

Thoughts of darkness rule my mind

Unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

My true self is lost among the shadows

It cannot break the bond

The bond of darkness attached to my soul

I strive to break free

 

My life has been in turmoil,

Stuck like a rat in a cage,

Unable to shake my way out of the bars

As the darkness creeps,

 

I strive,

To,

Break Free,

Loosen the grip of darkness from my throat.

 

One day I might be able to get free,

For now,

My goal is to learn about my darkness,

Work through why I must reside here,

 

One day,

I will get away,

Feel the positivity again,

Now I will just wallow in the Dark Corners of My Mind

Mom, My Inspiration

As I sit here staring at this screen I think of you,

I remember you reading my poems

Always finding the silver lining in the message

Even when the words weren’t right you encouraged me.

 

I have lost an interesting part of me,

Yet gained something I have never had before

You may no longer be here physically,

I know you are around me when I need you most

 

You always drop pennies for me to find,

Whenever I need that extra push I feel your arms around me,

Holding on so tight to remind me I got this

Even though I can’t see you,

 

I always feel my best when you are there,

Smiling down on me and seeing who I have become

My life would not be the way it is without you,

So, I sit here and know you are watching me

 

Today was one of those days I felt you close,

My heart began to beat a little faster,

And I could feel the warmth of your presence next to me,

I know you are always with me no matter what

 

Life has truly shown us a lot of ups and downs

Lately I have been feeling lost within my own mind,

You have a great way of coming along when I need you most,

Times have been really rough,

 

It makes it hard to keep my positivity up,

To keep the smile as being genuine,

Yet,

I am making it through,

 

Your guidance is always there,

Like a GPS for life,

Always showing me the best path,

Even if it isn’t the easiest one,

 

I miss you so much,

I know you are still with me,

But what I wouldn’t give for just one more hug,

Or That’s My Boy!