Guilt of Loss

Losing your parent is difficult,

It doesn’t matter how long you had with them,

It is still an earth-shattering and

Traumatic event in one’s life


Your life has been turned upside down

Scrambling to understand all that has happened

For your soul can not handle all the feelings

Each moment a new expression of you


As hard as it can be; you cannot blame yourself,

You are lost,

In a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts

Constantly swirling around you,


A true chaotic series of moments,

One racing in to push away the previous,

Constant fighting and turmoil,

You are drowning in your own fear


No one can make it all go away,

Tomorrow is never guaranteed,

But know that they are looking down on you,

Smiling and proud of who you have become


Even though we can no longer see them,

They are there guiding and supporting us,

Making sure we feel their love every day

It isn’t a true goodbye,


It is a; I will see you later,

For this life is merely a temporary home,

Until we see each other again

Pressure Within

My condition isn’t always visible on the outside,

For it lurks within

The pressure ever increasing,

Causing excruciating pain on a daily basis


Just because I have a smile on my face,

Doesn’t mean I am not suffering,

Sometimes I need to push through and pretend,

Even though it is destroying me on the inside


You can never judge a person from the outside,

For the inside is where the true inspiration resides,

A book can have the fanciest of covers,

Yet hold no visible substance


I have lived my life without always knowing,

For I stumbled through life in a daze,

My diagnosis came when I was older

Yet I still didn’t know what it truly meant for me


Only a few short years ago I found another family,

My hydrocephalus family,

They are all an inspiration to me,

For they understand and have embraced who I am


They are the such beautiful people

Inside and outside they drive me to be better,

I am blessed to have them in my life

For answers have been found


Each day is a struggle,

Some worse than others,

But I have found my home.